Manmae
by Tsugath
Summary: Ever wondered what Naruto really thinks? A quick monologue during his three years of travel.


Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Naruto.

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**Manmae**

Ever wondered if you were living a lie? I know I am, but would it make a difference if I were to tell the truth? I seriously doubt it.

Time and time again, I've been told to "look under the underneath." But do you really think anyone ever bothers (Not even my hentai Sensei who loves repeating that phrase). I live here among them, and either they treat me like the demon they think I am, or the idiot I act like. No one knows the real me.

Sometimes, on quiet nights like this, or when I'm alone in my dump of an apartment, I really hate my life. Or maybe I just hate me, but that is the same thing I guess. There are two versions of myself, the happy go-lucky, ramen eating, loudmouth dobe (as a certain Uchiha would tell you); and then the me that no one ever sees, whose calm, quiet, and despises almost everyone in this self-righteous village.

The quiet me would love to kill the other me, but I'm too attached to life at the moment to do that. Not that I haven't thought about it, I have, many times. There are nights when I hold a freshly sharpened kunai in my hand and just get mesmerized by the glint of light off the slick surface. The thought of caressing my skin with the blade makes me shiver in anticipation. Of course, the damn Fox won't let me die. Even if I do succumb to the temptation and cut a few lines, they always heal within hours.

I would love to meet the Yondaime. It would be great to be able to tell him in person how much he screwed up my life. They think I don't know that he's my father. What a joke. I've known for years, ever since I sneaked into the Hokage's sealed records and stole the scroll for Mizuki. I would rather have died at birth than be the container for the Kyuubi No Kisune. What a way to welcome your son to the world, Dad.

Of course, there's a trade-off to being the village whipping boy. My available chakra is greater than even the Hokage's. I could have flattened this village by now if I really wanted to. The only thing that keeps me from becoming as blood thirsty as a certain Sand-nin is the few people in this village who don't treat me like dirt. Iruka is like the big brother I never had, even if he does tend to mother me too much. I count Shikamaru as a true friend, even though he likes to tell me how "troublesome" I am. Tsunade cares for me in her own way, though I think at first she used me as a replacement for her little brother who was killed, but now I don't mind. Having an "in" with the Hokage comes in handy at times. Even Pervert-Sensei has his moments, though saving him from irate women after he gets caught peeping becomes really old. You'd think he'd learn but NO, time after time he gets busted all in the name of gathering "research." Maybe he should research an invisibility jutsu or something and save me the trouble.

You're wondering why I didn't list my teammates in that list, aren't you? After all, Sakura has been my crush for as long as anyone can remember. Do you want my honest opinion? She's a loud, overbearing, self-absorbed witch. How many times did she just hit me because I argued with the Uchiha? I finally stopped counting. Do you have ANY idea what its like getting up early and making it to the bridge only to hear her shrill scream of "Sasuke-kun?" I would have loved to slit her throat just to shut her up, but figured that would cause me too many problems I didn't feel like dealing with. During the chunin exams, I did start to see a different side of her, maybe she's changed in the time I've been gone. I truly hope so.

And the bastard you ask? He's just as screwed up as I am. I do have to admit; hearing the constant angst about how his whole clan was killed by his freak of a brother makes anyone want to pull their hair out. At least we used to understand each other on some level. Oh, we fought, but at the same time it provided an outlet for all the pain both of us were carrying. Then he had to go and run off to that Snake-freak. Now I have to go and bring him back to save myself the problem of fighting a sharinganfied-Orochimaru in the future.

I keep promising myself that one day I'm really going to stop acting like everyone expects and show them the real me; perhaps that day will come sooner than they know.

**Authors Note:**

Just a quick drabble I wrote at work. Manmae is the Japanese word for right in front/ under the nose, which seems appropriate I think. I always wonder what Naruto would say if he met the Yondaime "in the flesh" so to speak. I personally think he'd not have a whole lot of nice things to say about being stuck with the Kyuubi. Disagree? Well then review and let me know!


End file.
